


Respectable Hobbits

by lemoncellbros



Series: Tolkien [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo Baggins is an idiot, First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemoncellbros/pseuds/lemoncellbros
Summary: While camping out, the dwarves ask Bilbo about hobbit courting customs. One thing leads to another, and soon enough Bilbo is accidentally confessing.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Series: Tolkien [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856596
Comments: 14
Kudos: 221





	Respectable Hobbits

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Tolkien fic! I just recently finished the Lord of the Rings book series (which was BRILLIANT), and I wanted to write a fic that paid homage to my first Tolkien-related love: The Hobbit. Specifically the book, but this works for both the book and the movies. I hope you enjoy!

“What about you, Master Baggins?”   
Bilbo looked up from his jacket. He’d been mending it as best he could. 

“Sorry?” He hadn’t been listening.   
Kili grinned. “What’s it like in the Shire? With romance and all.” 

Bilbo felt his face heat up. Thorin was sitting only a few feet away, and he was worried about what might slip out if they spoke of romance. Sure, the Baggins side would be able to rein it in easily, but those pesky Took urges were growing stronger by the day. 

Bilbo decided to play dumb. “What do you mean?”   
“Well,” Bofur begun to explain, “in Erebor, it’s hard to tell the difference between the male and female dwarves, so we’ve sort of given up trying. Most of us will take   
anyone.” 

Bilbo was sure that his face was turning scarlet. This conversation was teetering on the edge of Respectable Hobbit Talks. 

“Aye,” Balin agreed. “What’s your Shire like? Is it strict on gender?” 

Good lord, this was far too close to what Bilbo had been keeping secret ever since The Unexpected Party. 

Perhaps he could steer them away from the topic. He cleared his throat. 

“The Shire’s not extremely strict on which gender is appropriate to court, though most hobbits do tend to...seduce the opposite from their own.” Bilbo felt his ears turn pink. He’d never said anything close to a word such as seduce, and it felt awfully non-hobbit-ish. 

“And you?” Balin asked kindly. 

Bilbo swallowed. Was he really going to answer this question in front of everyone?   
Thorin eyed him curiously. Yes, he was. 

“I am not like most hobbits,” he said as tactfully as he could, and a great cheer rose up from the dwarves (all except Thorin, of course). 

“Good for you, lad,” Ori smiled. 

Bilbo shrugged and took a sip of water. He’d never actually admitted that out loud, though he was sure half of Hobbiton had already guessed. Still, it felt...good? 

“Now,” Glóin rumbled, “What about rules on other races?” 

Bilbo’s eyes went wide. He pulled uncomfortably at his collar and coughed. 

“Because dwarves are fine with everything except elves,” Fili said cheerfully, and Kili noticeably wilted next to him. 

“Unless the elf is a good ‘un, o’ course,” said Bombur, and Kili lifted a bit. 

“Aye, and I dare say we’re an open minded group.” Noir grinned, and the other dwarves made grumbles and murmurs of   
agreement. 

Bilbo smiled a little. “Well, you could all certainly teach the Shire a lesson.” 

Balin’s bushy white eyebrows furrowed together. “What d’you mean?” 

“It’s just,” Bilbo avoided Thorin’s gaze, “they’re not too fond of...interracial mingling, as they call it.” 

There were sad mutters from the dwarves, and Bilbo felt his stomach flip over at the concern in Thorin’s eyes. 

“But,” he stammered out, desperately wanting to improve the mood, “it seems I’m already a hobbit rule-breaker, what with the adventures and everything. Why not break one more?” 

The dwarves stared at him. Kili giggled. Too late, Bilbo realised what he’d admitted to. His heart dropped. 

Dwalin raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve taken a liking to one of us, Master Hobbit?” 

Bilbo let out a nervous laugh, but didn’t say anything. Damn his big Took mouth!   
Thorin was looking at him curiously now, and he felt he might burst into flames. If only he could turn invisible! 

Well, he supposed he could, but now wasn’t really the time. 

Fili grinned. “Shall we play a game?”   
The other dwarves let out hoots of rowdy agreement, and Bilbo dearly wished he could sink into the ground. 

Balin smiled at him kindly. “All you have to do is give a slight hum if we guess who you’ve taken a fancy to. For everyone else, you stay silent.” 

Glóin leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “besides, laddie, dwarf eyesight may be good, but our ears?” He made a tutting noise, and Bilbo felt marginally better. 

“What do you say?” Bifur asked encouragingly. 

Bilbo didn’t want them to think him a coward. And besides, perhaps their hearing was truly awful. He hoped so, anyway. The Took side of him took over his mind with a roar, and he laughed and cried out, 

“Why not?” 

The dwarves cheered their approval, and instantly got down to business.   
“Fili?”   
Silence.   
“Kili?”  
More silence.  
“Oin?”  
Nope.   
“Glóin?”  
Nothing.  
“Ori?”  
Uh-uh.   
“Dori?”   
Zip.   
“Nori?”   
Zilch.   
“Bifur?”  
They were getting closer now.   
“Bofur?”  
Oh, for Yavanna’s sake.   
“Bombur?”   
What had he done!?  
“Balin?”  
Blast it!   
“Dwalin?”  
Botheration.   
“Thorin?” 

Bilbo sighed. He truly was the stupidest hobbit in the entire Shire. Nonetheless, he’d agreed to play, and he wasn’t going to back down now. He let out a quiet, low hum. Next to him, Kili jumped up in delight. 

“I heard it! I heard it!” He yelled, and the dwarves turned to him. 

There were too many eyes on him, and he felt his breathing become a bit shallow. What had made him think that this was a good idea? 

Bilbo sprinted away from the camp as fast as his hobbit feet could take him, ignoring the cries of the dwarves for him to stop and wait. Gandalf did nothing but glance at him knowingly, and Bilbo felt sick. 

He ran behind a nearby boulder and stumbled into a sitting position, back against the cool stone. His cheeks were flaming red. Bilbo cursed. Here he was, hiding from his crush like a bloody teenager! It was not remotely what a Respectable Hobbit would do. 

Bilbo groaned and buried his face in his hands. He would never live this down. He sat there for a while, listening to the sounds of concerned dwarves and the ponies neighing indignantly. 

It was his own fault, he thought. He’d agreed to play the stupid game. 

And Thorin knew now. Bilbo bit back a sob of embarrassment. The tears were coming now, hot and stinging like the bees in his garden. He couldn’t stand it. He’d have to leave the company. No dragon was worth this nauseating sensation in his stomach. 

Just as he was about to truly let himself fall into pity, a strong hand met his shoulder. 

Bilbo gasped and tried to scurry away, but before he knew it he was up in the air and then set down once again in the open. Bilbo squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t bear to look. The hands gripped his shoulders firmly. 

“Bilbo,” a deep voice rumbled softly, “look at me.” 

Sweet Eru. This would surely go down in history as the stupidest decision ever. Bilbo grimaced and opened his eyes. 

Sure enough, there was Thorin Oakenshield, dwarven king, looking at him with such pity that Bilbo nearly fell over with embarrassment. 

Too late, he realised that he was still crying, and he frantically wiped away his tears. 

“Are you alright?” Thorin murmured. Bilbo’s stomach flipped. 

“Yes, yes,” he said, desperately trying to regain his prim and proper demeanour. “I’m perfectly fine, Thorin. Just-just needed a bit of air, that’s all.” 

He swallowed. There was no way that had been convincing. 

Thorin shook his head. To Bilbo’s utter surprise, he pulled the hobbit in for a tight hug, arms wrapped around him comfortingly. Bilbo’s head rested on Thorin’s shoulder, and he turned to glance at the dwarf holding him. Perhaps...he wasn’t so hopeless? 

Thorin released him, and Bilbo barely managed to stop a whine escaping his lips. The dwarf was so warm, and it had been so long since the chill had properly left his bones. He could’ve stayed in that hug forever. 

Bilbo ducked his head. He couldn’t possibly face him. Hugs were usually a thing of pity, after all. Who was he to hope? 

Thorin sighed and lifted Bilbo’s chin gently so that their eyes met. Thorin, with a softness that Bilbo never would have expected from the dwarf, moved a stray piece of hair out of Bilbo’s eyes. 

Bilbo could feel his heart racing. Surely this was all to console him...he didn’t return his feelings, did he? 

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” Thorin whispered, and Bilbo’s heart dropped into his feet. His mouth fell open a little in surprise, and he didn’t miss the way Thorin’s eyes flicked downwards to follow the movement. 

Oh, blast it all, he thought. This simply wouldn’t do. 

And with that, Bilbo reached up and pulled the dwarf into a kiss. (One that most Respectable Hobbits would shake their   
heads at.) 

But really, who cared about being respectable?

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have no idea where I got this idea from. It just sort of showed up this morning, and I figured why not go with it? I based most of my hobbit dating custom ideas off of the book canon. Hobbits seem to be fine with dating, as long as it’s within their own species. Of course, I would never even imagine that I could know Tolkien’s thoughts on hobbit customs. These are just little ideas of my own. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it! Please leave your thoughts in the comments, I adore feedback.


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